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| For Guys - Victory over Lust ... yes, it's possible |
An E-mail Conversation about Lust - Could a Guy Truly Never Lust Again?
If you are going to read this article, then I want to forewarn you that I am very specific and unabashed in my advice here. The topic is lust and sexual issues are therefore discussed. You have no need to fear that I will be talking about sexually arousing topics. The point of this article is to teach how to defeat sexual temptation, not arouse it. But I will be plain and clear in how a guy can gain victory over the temptation of lust.
Indeed, girls struggle with lust too, but seeing as I am not a girl, this article is written with guys in mind. A girl is certainly welcome to read this, though, and apply what fits to herself (or just gain a better understanding of how guys struggle with this sin).
O.K., without further delay, here it is ...
An E-mail Conversation about Lust and the battle for Purity
Could a Guy Truly Never Lust Again?
The answer is .... "Yes".
Hi Giles,
This is _______. Thought I'd write this right away so you would maybe be able to recognize over email who this is. You were talking about lust in your last session and essentially you stated that "not lusting" is not out of realm of possibility.
I don't understand where you're coming from when you say that guys in your youth group "haven't lusted" in 6-11 months. What is their/your definition of lust?
This might take a short series of emails, sorry Giles :) (email isn't very good at replicating dynamic conversation).
Thanks,
_____________
Hey ________,
That is a great question, and perhaps I should have taken longer on that topic at camp. It's hard to tell. I define sexual lust as dwelling upon a sexual thought. Lust, basically, is desiring what you should not have. Sex is not yours to have until you are married. So thinking sexual thoughts about another woman is lustful. I think it is not hard for any of us to recognize the moment we begin to get sexually aroused by our thoughts. That is also another good indicator that the line has been crossed.
How can a guy say that he has not lusted for 9 months? Here is the key. You must understand that it is not a sin to be tempted. Jesus was tempted in the desert. Every male is bombarded with sexual temptation every day of his life, but he has only sinned when he chooses to dwell upon it. What I teach my guys to do is to shoot away and deny any lustful thought that enters their heads, the moment it enters their heads. I teach them to say, "Yes, that would be very pleasurable to think about that, but it would hurt my God and my future wife too much, so that is a pleasure I simply will not enjoy." Clearly no guy can simply choose to not have any sexual images pop into his mind on a given day. Neither can he choose to not have any sexual images pop before his eyes on a given day. Between TV, Billboards, Magazines, Store Fronts, you name it he will be bombarded with countless images in his head and before his eyes all day. But he most certainly has the choice of whether or not he will dwell upon those images with his mind or his eyes.
Let me get even more specific, and if this is too intense, then feel free to stop reading, but I feel it is necessary to say the following. I make it clear to the guys I work with that not lusting includes refraining from masturbation. (Obviously I don’t address this subject when guys and girls are together. But when I have just guys before me, I challenge them hard on this one.) It is a lie that this is needed to release tension within the male. That is only true if a guy is entertaining lustful thoughts on a regular basis - then if he doesn't masturbate he is going to ache. But God works it out quite naturally in sleep. Nocturnal emissions is the official name for it and it is quite effective. People like to argue that they can masturbate without thinking sexual thoughts, but they are only setting a trap for themselves. True that may work one time, but all it will do is place a temptation before you to desire to experience the same pleasure again. The next time won't be as easy to do without thinking a sexual thought and soon you will be lured back into masturbating while thinking about a sexual thought. Since it is not physically necessary, I argue that there is no place for it in the Godly man's life. It is far better for him to wait for his wife to give him that pleasure and leave that to her alone. Men who masturbate when they are married (and there are many - the temptation does not go away just because you are married) rob themselves of the joy of being satisfied by their wife alone and truly focusing all of their sexual energy on her as God intended.
Therefore, we define a lust free week as a week in which a guy refuses to dwell on any sexual thought or image. The moment a tempting thought comes into his head he denies it. Some guys picture a gun in their head and they shoot the tempting image and imagine it exploding into a thousand pieces like a piece of glass. They deny the thought and quote a verse like Colossians 3:1 or Romans 12:1-2. The truth is that the first two weeks of doing this are hell. It feels like thousands upon thousands of images are bombarding your head - and they are. But as the weeks go on these images fade more and more. The way out (see 1 Cor. 10:13) gets easier and easier to take and the freedom of the Holy Spirit overwhelms you as Satan flees (look at James 4:7, it’s awesome). By about a month a new confidence begins. After about 3 months the battle is totally different. After six months, it has truly become a part of your character. You can say, "I used to think lustful thoughts, but now I do not."
Satan has lied to you all of your life about the sin of lust. Well, he lied to me, and I can only guess he's told you the same lie. See if you recognize this lie - he says, "You can't say 'No' to this sin forever. Maybe you'll make it for one week. Maybe if you're really good you'll make it for two weeks. But sooner or later you're going to fall. So why even try?" AH!! I hate that lie. James 4:7 tells us that if we submit to God and then resist the devil HE WILL FLEE from us! I tell you Satan does not want you to know this. I have seen so many guys sadly conclude that it is simply impossible to say "No" to this sin. They lose all heart and resign themselves to a life of slavery to it. Oh, be free and see that if you can submit to God and resist Satan for even one month you will begin to see how much easier it gets and will see the hope of long-term victory!!
But you can never stop being careful. Lust is still very alive within me. I do not believe that since I have not lusted for so long that I will be able to watch that movie with a sex scene. No, in fact I am more sensitive than I was before. I am simply stronger at taking the way out - that is all. I am like an alcoholic. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. A man can be sober for 20 years and then take a drink and go right back into it like he never stopped. The same is true of lust. I have no doubt that I could fall back into it at any day. It is only because I remember how much it dominated and enslaved my walk with God that I refuse to go back there.
And when I say the phrase, “I refuse to go back there”, I mean every word of it. It is my choice, no one else’s, not even God’s. He has left that choice up to me. I emphasize this point because I feel like many young Christian men are waiting around for God to give them the strength to say “No”. Look at 1 Cor. 10:13 again. Notice that God never actually says anything about providing you with strength so you can stand up under temptation. He promises “a way out” so you can stand up under it. It seems to me like God is saying, “You have my Holy Spirit in you if you are a believer. You have the strength you need. Now choose the way out!” Lust is always a choice. Never will you be forced to lust. Never can you say, “It was impossible for me to say ‘No’”. It is a choice you and I have to make and continually make. God will not make it for us. Just thank God that it gets easier and easier to make the choice. This is going to require self-discipline from you.
You will need self-discipline to say “No” to temptation and self-discipline to set some boundaries for yourself so you don’t get yourself into tempting situations. This will look different for everyone. Some guys are not able to watch TV anymore, or at least for a while, because even the commercials end up tempting them. I remember when I first started fighting against lust, I couldn’t even walk into Blockbuster anymore. All those trashy movie box covers were too tempting to look at and wonder about what that movie was like. If I wanted to stay pure, I simply couldn’t go in there. It wasn’t until about six months of purity that I was strong enough to enter a Blockbuster again.
I hope this has been clear and has answered your questions. You can probably tell that I feel rather strongly about this issue. A habitual sin like lust completely cripples a walk with God. How can you walk strongly with God today when you know from the start that you are going to willingly sin against Him in the sin of lust today? God won't reject you because of this, but you will always be crippled by it until you gain victory. Victory is the only way out. I have seen guys try to simply view God differently and think, "Well, God understands that this sin is too hard for me to stop. He loves me unconditionally, so I don't have to gain victory in order to serve Him well." Yet in reality, they are still crippled. But when they do gain victory ... Wow! The transformation of their lives is amazing. I have often referred to it like being born again ... again. Obviously salvation is not at stake here, but the transformation is almost just as powerful. A guy who has been weak and feeble in his walk with God becomes a mighty warrior for Him. It has been one of the greatest joys of my ministry to watch guys gain freedom in this.
I truly believe that lust is the main reason why many men of God have never become the leaders in the Body of Christ that they were supposed to be. There is a shortage of true men of God leading the church and I think it is because they simply have never seen the victory they could have over this sin. Lust demolished my walk with God for so long, that I hate to see anyone else suffer under its heavy hand any longer than they must. I'll talk to you later. I hope this helps. God bless you brother.
In Christ,
Giles
Conversation Part 2
Dear Giles,
Thank you very much for sending me that mammoth email a couple months ago about lust, it's been forwarded to a couple of my friends because of its thoroughness and because you knew what you were talking about. Just wanted to let you know that,
In Christ,
_____________
Hey thanks _______,
That's encouraging to know that I was able to help you. Obviously I feel passionately about this topic and I am excited to hear that others have been challenged as well. I didn't really share many scriptures in that e-mail that give the strength to what I was saying, though. If you care to know, these are some of the key scriptures that all of my teaching was based on:
Is. 61:8 and Hab. 1:13 - Learn to see sin as God sees it. Hate it and recognize it as that evil thing which is robbing you of experiencing all that God is and has for you. As long as you view lust as a beautiful thing that God won’t let you do, then you will never have victory. You must learn to hate it. You must truly want purity. A.W. Tozer says this, “Each of us is as close to God and as full of the Holy Spirit as we want to be.” I have found this to be very true. You will be as free from lust as you want to be. You say, “Oh, I want to be free, I do!” But do you really? Do you fully? There is that battle within all of us that Romans 7 describes where part of us aches for the forbidden sin. This is our sin nature and it must be crucified. (Galatians 5:24) Eventually you will come to the point where you recognize that lust is a pleasure like any other except that it devastates your walk with God and your relationship with women. Let’s not fool ourselves. It feels really good to lust. That’s why it is so addicting. If you are trying to convince yourself to hate lust because it feels horrible, you are fighting a losing battle. You know as well as I do that it feels great. The key is recognize that this great feeling brings death - relational death with God and women. When you realize that you can simply say, “Well, that is a pleasure I choose to no longer enjoy.” There are many other pleasures you can enjoy in this world that don’t devastate your relationship with God and other women. Enjoy those pleasures instead.
Is. 1:16 - Stop doing wrong. I believe it to be a false teaching that we should try to take baby steps when it comes to sin. When you have truly repented of doing a sin, it should not be your desire to simply do less of it. It should be your desire to never do that sin again! People in the church say statements like, “Well, as long as I lust less today than I did yesterday, that means I am growing and this is great.” “NO!” is my response to that. Stop doing wrong, the Lord says. Cutting back on sin has never helped me anyways. The little bit I do taste just makes me hungry for more and I fall back into it. It's like an alcoholic saying he will only have one drink a day from now on. It doesn't work. Sin is addicting. We must make it our resolve before God to wipe it completely from our lives as much as we are able. I think trying to cut back on sin ignores the very evil of sin to begin with. We must view sin as a violent thing that God hates (like Hab 1:13), not a silly little slip up that has little consequence. Imagine a father who has just discovered that someone has been continually beating his daughter with a bat, how much consolation do you think it would be if he found out that this fellow had made it his resolve to do this less? It would be absolutely no consolation to him. Stop doing wrong! It makes us sick to think of someone committing such a foul crime against a man and his daughter. The fact that the violator only has a desire to do it less is even more of an insult. It shows that he doesn’t think it’s any big deal. We should have that same feeling about sin.
I believe that many Christians today have an incorrect understanding of what it means to be a sinful human being. Many Christians have embraced their sinfulness so completely that they don’t believe victory to be possible. They have taken verses like Romans 3:23 (all have sinned and fall short), Jeremiah 17:9 (the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked) and 1 John 1:8 (if you claim to be without sin you deceive yourself) and concluded that this means they can never hope to simply “not do a sin again.” “I’m a sinner,” they say, “So I know I am going to mess up. I can’t be perfect. So I know I’m going to lust. All I can do is try to be better than yesterday.” It is true that we are sinners. It is true that we will all mess up. It is true that none of us can be perfect. BUT it is NOT true that we must lust again. It would be like someone saying, “I’m a sinner, so that means that I will have to kill someone someday. I can’t be perfect, you know. It’s not like I can just never kill anyone for my whole life.” That would be ridiculous to say that! Why do people have no problem accepting that a sinful person can have victory over the physical sin of murder, but reject that a sinful person can have victory over the sexual sin of lust?
Here’s the deal:
The fact that I am a sinful human being means that I cannot guarantee you that I will never lust again. It is entirely possible that I will fall some day. I hope and pray against it. In fact, I give myself many boundaries and guards to protect me from falling because I am acutely aware of my sinfulness. I cannot guarantee that I won’t fall, but that doesn’t mean I MUST fall. I am fully confident that it is possible that I will never lust again. If I can say “No” to lust for 1 day, then why can’t I say “No” to it for 2 days? If I can do it for 2 days, why not 4? And so on and so on. The fact that it actually gets easier to say “No” the longer you do it makes it even more possible.
1 Cor. 10:13 - No sin is too big - that is a lie of Satan. Also, do not wait for God to give you strength - you already have it if the Holy Spirit lives in you, and that is not even what God promises. He does not promise strength in the face of temptation, He promises a way out. He will always provide one. It is our choice whether or not to take it. Notice also that this verse clearly teaches that it is not a sin to get tempted! This is key! “When you are tempted He will provide a way out so you can stand up under it.” See that? “When you are tempted” – you can be tempted and not sin.
James 4:7 - Submit yourself to God. That is first. Then, resist the devil and he will flee from you. It truly does get easier. Satan doesn't want us to know that he will run away, but he does - he will. He flees from the man who is submitted to God and who then resists him. It is so exciting to see this scripture in action!
Jer. 17:9, Prov. 20:9, - You will never be perfect - but don't use this as an excuse to sin! Our hearts are desparately wicked, but look at the next verses …
Jer. 32:39, Ez. 11:19, 36:26-27, Acts 15:9 - it's God's job to change our hearts. It is our job to change our actions. Lust still lives in my heart. I have no control over that. But I certainly have control over whether or not I give any time or energy to lust. I will never (until I meet my Lord) be free from the sin of lust - it still lives in my corrupt heart. But I can most certainly be free from the actions of lust.
1 John 1:9 – It is a great comfort to know that even if we do mess up, He will forgive us. If you mess up, don’t just sit on the ground and wallow in your sorrow. Get up! God will forgive. Get up and make your resolve stronger. You are stronger now! There have been many guys in my ministry who have gone up to 4 months being pure from lust only to fall. I remember one fellow who fell at 4 months and was so discouraged and upset to have failed. But he discovered something fantastic when he sought to be pure again. He discovered that he wasn’t starting completely over. True he was back to week 1 now in terms of purity, but it was a totally different week 1 than the first one. He had built up 4 months of strength and resistance to this temptation. God had begun this work in his character and that work was not lost. Numerically he was back at week 1, but spiritually he was way ahead. He has just recently passed the 6 months mark of purity and what a power he has in his walk with God.
I hope this all helps as well, then. It has been helpful for me to pray over all of this again. I pray that God will bless you richly. I pray also that you are experiencing now His incredible freedom from lust. Keep living for Him, brother!
In Christ,
Giles
Created on 09/30/2005 05:38 AM by Giles
Updated on 06/09/2007 11:59 PM by Giles
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