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| For Girls - Victory over Selfish Amibition and Bitter Envy |
For Girls by Debbie - Victory over Selfish Ambition and Bitter Envy
Hey there,
This Debbie, Giles' wife.
I’d like take advantage of this chance to share about a pretty important heart issue for girls. One that I have found to be a struggle amongst girls in the USA, in Latin America, in Turkey, in Spain . . . and likely the parts of the world you live in too.
I’ll be addressing the young ladies here, although I welcome those of you guys that would like to read along, in case this topic affects YOUR heart too. I’m not saying it’s strictly a female issue! It’s just one that tends to pop up more often in circles of girls. Just as lust and purity of mind affect both genders but surface more in guy circles. My search for the TITLE of these struggles . . . these sins, came when I noticed guys being honest and working hard to fight lust in our youth groups. When our guys dedicated themselves to hold each other accountable to such deep personal, and honest issues as purity of mind, I began wondering why in the girl small groups, the best prayer requests we could come up with were “pray that I’ll do more devotions”. I thought , “Really. . . is that the best we can do. Surely there is a more tangible, deep thing to pick at, in our search to be righteous before God!”
And thus came the day I just sat down and asked God to show it to me. “Lord, how can I help my girls dig deeper into their hearts and ask themselves if they are REALLY right with You?” And He took me to His Word! I’d love it if you’d stop reading right now, and you ran to get your Bible.
Look with me at James 3:13-16. O.K., don’t just look at it. Read it and let it soak in. Verse 13 is a great verse about humility. I am not going to focus on this verse much in this article, but I want to pause on it for a moment for this reason: the greatest obstacle to you hearing what God has to say to you right now is your pride. Humility and wisdom are deeply linked. Only the fool is arrogant. Humble yourself even now before the Lord and tell Him that you will hear whatever He has to say to you right now.
Now we come to verse 14 and find the sins of Bitter Envy and Selfish Ambition. This is where it starts to come alive! Quite simply, Bitter Envy is resenting another for possessing what you do not. It is the sin of looking at another and instead of rejoicing in who they are and what they have, you find yourself disliking them and wishing that you had what they had. The Greek words for Bitter Envy actually mean “piercing heat”. Have you ever felt that before when you've looked at another girl who was clearly more beautiful or more successful that you? For girls there is this incredible temptation to compare their outer appearance to other girls, and this provides horribly fertile soil for Bitter Envy to sprout up in the soul. When Bitter Envy strikes at your heart it feels just like a blazing hot arrow piercing through it.
Then there’s Selfish Ambition. Selfish Ambition is the obsession with advancing yourself above others. Selfish Ambition is not at all concerned with the glory of God. It is concerned with how I look and what kind of attention I am getting. The Greek for Selfish Ambition is a phrase used for a politician who is willing to do anything to get elected. Their entire goal is elevate themselves and get noticed. The intense need to attract a guy’s attention and keep it on themselves is the sickeningly fertile soil that Selfish Ambition grows in for girls.
There are many ways that these two sins attack girls, but the most obvious way is in the temptation to obsess over outward appearance and to compete for the attention of guys. Ladies, let me say this as plainly as possible. For many of you, you care too much about how you look on the outside. In fact, it is possible that your attention to your outward appearance has blinded you from being able to see and focus on what actually matters to God.
Why is this such a struggle for young ladies? The answer isn’t too hard to find. Let’s face it, when a girl walks into a room, the sad truth is that everyone looks at her and evaluates her outward beauty – guys and girls. In fact when a girl walks into a room, the guys stare and the girls compare. This is the unfortunate reality of our culture today. Bitter envy and Selfish Ambition will be the battlefield here. When a girl walks into the room, the other girls instantly look at her and compare her to themselves. They will be tempted to check out her hair, her skin, her clothes, her figure and how much attention she gets from guys and then compare her to themselves. They will then end up either feeling good about themselves in the areas where they feel they are superior, or bad about themselves in the areas where they feel they are inferior (or a little of both). Now is when Bitter Envy heats up and pierces the soul. Now is when Selfish Ambition sounds the alarm that you are about to get passed up and cries out for control.
I have been amazed at times to see the intense hatred that one girl can have for another girl she doesn’t even know. One girl will hate another girl and do nasty things to her or say horrible things about her behind her back when the two of them have never even met. The truth is that there is often a secret unspoken competition going on between girls; even in Christian settings. Unfortunately our world has spent a lot of time and money seeking to convince every girl that gaining the attention of a guy and feeling good about themselves can basically be reduced to looking good. And, 100 years ago a girl only had to deal with comparing herself to the other women in her town. Nowadays, girls are comparing themselves to the most beautiful women in the world, most of which have obtained their beauty with surgery and cosmetics.
Next, Bitter Envy and Selfish Ambition begin to fuel each other. The more a girl compares to other girls, the more worthless she will feel about herself (Bitter Envy) and the more she will feel the need to attract the attention of guys and keep that attention (Selfish Ambition) to gain back her worth. You see, no girl ever ends up winning the comparing competition in her own mind. Even the most beautiful girls in the world can look at themselves and see things that they hate and that they wish were different. Having a beautiful body and face is no protection against Bitter Envy. Bitter Envy can pierce any heart, no matter how beautiful the body is that’s around it.
The world has told girls that they are not valuable if they do not have the attention of guys. It is amazing to see, then, as girls will give their very bodies away to guys simply so that this guy will accept them and hopefully love them. But even if a girl commendably decides that she doesn’t need to attract guys in order to feel valuable, she may still be storing up an incredible amount of hatred and jealousy and bitterness towards those girls who are. This bitter envy is fed, of course, by the simple truth that what those attention seeking girls are doing is working!
The Better Way
So what is a girl to do, then? Clearly the first step is to stop comparing. A woman of God should view thoughts of comparing herself to other girls the same way a man of God views lustful thoughts. She should deny its access to her mind the second it pops in there. Recognize that it isn’t a sin to be tempted. I am saying that from now on, whenever you are tempted to look at another girl and compare yourself to her, stop that thought! Rebuke it in the name of Christ as something sinful and evil and refuse to think on it. You do know that this is something evil you’re fighting against here don’t you? This is Satan.
Think I’m being too dramatic? Look at James 3:14 again. Selfish Ambition and Bitter Envy are earthly, unspiritual and of the devil. But that’s not all! What does it say in verse 15? “For where you have Selfish Ambition and Bitter Envy, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” This is huge stuff!! So recognize that this is not some little thing to be ignored. Every evil practice can spring out of it!!
So, then, the second you are tempted, what should you do? The moment you’re tempted to think about how you compare to another girl, Stop! It truly is that simple. Don't allow that thought to live within you! Kill it. Address the thought in your mind and say, “I will not think on that. It is not glorifying to my God. I choose instead to focus on what matters to my God.” Here is where Bitter Envy dies.
And what matters to God? Look at 1 Peter 3:3-4. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. This, then, is the second step you must take - learn to focus on your inner beauty.
Here is a powerful perspective for our Lord. What is of great worth in God’s sight? Is it your body and how curvy it is? Is it how little fat you have on your hips? No. It’s your inner beauty. When you go to heaven our loving Lord will place His arm around you and say, “My daughter, you spent so much time and effort and money on your beauty. Why? Who told you that you weren’t beautiful to begin with? I am the one who made you as you were. I do not make mistakes. I do not make garbage. How dare the world lie to you and tell you that there was anything wrong with you, my daughter!”
Think about this question for a moment: How much time and effort and money do you spend obsessing over your inner beauty compared to your outer beauty? Let that question resound inside of your heart and mind and then determine to set your focus on what matters to God – your inner beauty – your character – your soul. Notice even the wording in verse 4. He says that your inner beauty is of “great worth in God’s sight.” WORTH! There it is. Exactly what you seek, but you were looking at the shell only to find that it lies within. God tells you that your worth lies in your soul. You are valuable because God, the Almighty creator of the universe, made you. End of story. And if you want to know what really matters, it is your character, not your face. Here is where Selfish Ambition dies.
So the first step, then, is to deny comparing thoughts. The death of Bitter Envy
The second step is to set your focus instead on your inner beauty, your character.
Receive your value from God and the glory you bring to Him with your life. The death of Selfish Ambition
The last and final step will be to remove anything from your life that makes it difficult for you to do this.
This will be different for each one. Only you and God know what makes you stumble the most. Many girls in our youth groups have found that the mirror is an intense place of temptation for them. In response to this battle, they have chosen to limit the amount of time they allow themselves to spend in front of the mirror each day. They only give themselves enough time to get ready and clean, but not enough time to examine themselves and obsess over their appearance.
Other girls have found that teen and women magazines can no longer be a part of their life. These magazines are filled with so many pictures of women that are “perfect” in every physical way that they cannot keep themselves from comparing. Throw those stupid magazines away. They have nothing to do with the glory of God. I had a girl once tell me, “Well, I don’t look at the pictures, I just read the articles.” HELLO! And what are the articles all about? How to attract guys and look hot! Not needed!
The reality is that you will only have victory over this if you want it! How radical you are about this last step will show how serious you are about victory. Remove everything that even comes close to tempting you. Give yourself that chance to have victory! And if you find yourself finding freedom from these sins that you might not have even considered were hindering you, share it with someone!
I’ll be praying for you, Ladies! God built you, loves you, and looks down on you with a smile. Grab that truth today, and shine for Him!
Debbie Davis
Missionary to Youth in Spain – SEND International
Created on 02/14/2006 09:41 AM by Giles
Updated on 03/20/2008 07:36 AM by Giles
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